Should the electric chair have cup holders? Should the guillotine have a leather headrest? Should the noose have furry lavender-scented rope? Should waterboarding be done with espresso?
We want your torture experience to be as delightful and convenient as possible.
We want your bankruptcy and homelessness to be hassle-free.
Your cremation will include soothing music (in case you’re not quite dead).
A customer care professional will guide you through your uninsured illness journey.
Once you fill up your root canal punch card, the tenth one is free!
Please take this survey on how well we amputated the wrong leg.
Just click the bright candy-colored payment button so we can drain your account.
Press “2” if you have a claim, so we can decline it with a smile.
9-1-1 What's your emergency? Please hold.
This call will be recorded for our security. Enjoy your cup holder.
